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#301230 11/03/09 09:20 AM
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That is funny shit right there.

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#301231 11/03/09 05:43 PM
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A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Norm! All he wants is anal sex, and my a/h is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel.'

Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi- millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $10,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301232 11/03/09 05:46 PM
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Italian Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves .... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301233 11/03/09 08:33 PM
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A young engineer was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the
Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
hand.

"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted
the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared
inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

Lesson:

Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing..

#301234 11/04/09 08:23 AM
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Roy, an undertaker, came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you ?" asked his wife."

"I had a terrible day," replied Roy. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.

When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.

So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "so how did you get the black eye ?"

Roy, “Wrong room."


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301235 11/05/09 05:41 PM
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I was ALL depressed last night so I called Lifeline.


Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan!

I told them I was suicidal.


They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

:shrug:


Now available Voicemail Programmer Kit to program your Toshiba Voice Mail across your network.

Toshiba Technical Support at: One Ring Telecom
#301236 11/05/09 05:43 PM
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BOOOOO puke


When I was young, I was Liberal. As I aged and wised up, I became Conservative. Now that I'm old, I have settled on Curmudgeon.
#301237 11/06/09 02:31 PM
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Remember what your DI told you.....you are not here to die for your country....you are here to help the other guy die for his.......


Ken
---------
#301238 11/08/09 05:19 PM
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A man seeking to join a south Texas sheriffs dept. is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good,

but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six drug dealers, six Muslim extremists, six liberal democrats and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"That's the attitude we want," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301239 11/08/09 05:21 PM
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Two Ladies in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
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