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#301240 11/09/09 07:19 AM
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:rofl: :rofl: Dave!


To Succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. ..Reba McEntire
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#301241 11/10/09 10:13 AM
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The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'....


Retired phone dude
#301242 11/10/09 03:59 PM
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She Lost Her Dog!

There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle.

One day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved dog had run away. She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog. Nobody had seen him that night, but the next morning she met a little boy who said that he had seen a stray dog.

The dog he described matched hers exactly. Upon finding out this information she asked the young boy, "Have you seen my Titswiggle?"

Then the boy said, "No, but can that be my reward?"


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301243 11/10/09 04:04 PM
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The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301244 11/10/09 04:12 PM
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A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious> bloke, he knocks again - much harder.

Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door. "Harro!" says the Japanese man.

"Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.

"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realizing the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.

"No ! No ! Mate, Where's your dust bin?"

"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.

"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. Where's your
'w h e e l ie' bin?'"

"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301245 11/11/09 04:31 AM
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Dave, you are one sick puppy.....That cold must have effected your brain...... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Ken
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#301246 11/11/09 11:56 AM
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When a woman wears a leather dress, A man's heart beats quicker,
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?


It's because she smells like a new truck.


Retired phone dude
#301247 11/11/09 12:17 PM
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Little Johnny ...


At school little Johnny learns about medicines.

The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of
medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said .... Tylenol? Very good !!!

And what is it used for? It is used for headache.

The second pupil said ... Nytol Excellent !!!

And what it is used for? To help you sleep.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said ... Viagra.
Johnny ... What is it used for?

I think it can be used for diarrhea.

Who told you this ???

Nobody ... But every evening my mother tells my
father .. take a 'Viagra' ... maybe that little
$h!t will get harder !!!


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301248 11/11/09 12:19 PM
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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
The third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
#301249 11/11/09 12:57 PM
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IN the spirit of Veterans Day........

Whats the difference between a fairy tale and a war story????

A fair tale starts out.....Once Upon A Time

A war story starts out..... This Ain't No sh*# now......


:dance: :dance:


ATTITUDE: It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze.
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