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#307544 - 04/06/10 08:50 PM Just for Jokester #12  
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Just for Jokester #11

Just for Jokester Index


Enjoy and remember they are only jokes.
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Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
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#307545 - 04/10/10 02:03 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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RATHER BE FISHING Offline
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The economy is so bad that ...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind
the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient
Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or
them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher
than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and
learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into
Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.


Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard
Madoff scandal. Oh, great! The guy who made $50
billion disappear is being investigated by the
people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the
economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security,
retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide
Helpline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when
I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and
asked if I could drive a truck.


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#307546 - 04/10/10 02:39 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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:rofl: :rofl: LOL Dave.


Avaya SMB Authorized Business Partner.
ACIS/APSS
www.walker-solutions.com
#307547 - 04/13/10 05:32 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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RATHER BE FISHING Offline
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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


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#307548 - 04/13/10 07:32 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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Mt. Sidney, Va.
Thanks Dave, I needed something funny tonight. laugh

#307549 - 04/13/10 09:31 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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KLD Offline
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KS
....and, Dave, where can I find this Pepsi product?


Ken
---------
#307550 - 04/14/10 07:43 AM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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JBean3329 Offline
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Jamestown, NY
Mum is working in the kitchen when Dad enters with his first erection in years. 'Mum ... get into bed,' he says. She takes off her apron, puts all the ingredients and utensils away, washes her hands, takes off her undies gets on the bed, feet in the air, legs apart ... but all too late. Dad has withered away.

'Yer know Mum ... we can't 'ave this 'appen agin,' says Dad. 'Next time I git one of these boners, I'll ring the firebell so you start gittin' ready when youse hears it. When I git to the house with it, we'll be right to go.'

Months go by.

Mum's in the kitchen, when suddenly she hears the firebell. She goes through all the preparations real quick! Dad comes pounding into the house in his big boots, through the kitchen, into the bedroom where Mum lies waiting for him, legs wide apart, feet in the air. He looks at her and says, 'Get up, yer silly old oversexed cow ... the bloody barn's on fire!


Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored, they go for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
#307551 - 04/16/10 05:15 PM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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metelcom Online happy
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Heres a uTube video for the fishermen out there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BqcEXObOvU


Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
If it was built in the last 10 years don't expect it to work right.
#307552 - 04/18/10 08:58 AM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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JBean3329 Offline
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Jamestown, NY
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play
racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing
nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.

As he passes the first woman, she looks down at his manhood. "He's
not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his package.
"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the
unit.

He passes by the third woman, who takes a good long look as he
runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member
of this club."


Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored, they go for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
#307553 - 04/19/10 08:14 AM Re: Just for Jokester #12  
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Silversam Offline
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NYC
Driving Miss Daisy.

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time — just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

‘Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?’

‘Oh yes, Papa’ the girl replied, ‘and do you know what? We didn’t see a single ass hole, dumb bastard, dip shit or horse’s ass anywhere we went today!’

Sam


"Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket?"
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