|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,106
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,106 |
Originally posted by mdaniel: both Dave's have a fuzzy face and I could see either in a dress and blowing a bagpipe Some things cannot be unread And I thought I only had to worry about banjo's in West Virginia! LOL
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,949
Moderator-Avaya
|
Moderator-Avaya
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 10,949 |
OK James,....... you in the same category as Tim after that statement. You're one sick cookie. LOL
Avaya SMB Authorized Business Partner. ACIS/APSS ESI Certified Reseller/Installer www.regal-comm.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,106
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,106 |
Originally posted by mdaniel: OK James,....... you in the same category as Tim after that statement. You're one sick cookie. LOL Is this the part where I can blame SIP for all things that ail me? Note to self: Mike has guns, shovel, a chevy truck that might make it outside of town, and could come visit me during my trip. Be nice to Mike.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,769 Likes: 7
Moderator-Iwatsu
|
Moderator-Iwatsu
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,769 Likes: 7 |
Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"
Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."
This gets the devil a little steamed and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausages and drinking beer. The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in absolute misery, yet you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. Except now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"
The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If Hell's frozen over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored, they go for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
|
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2 |
Hey, it's only been 47 years. Give 'em a break, won't ya? :rofl:
Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons". Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
|
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2 |
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University inMarquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said,'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body-cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ... circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons". Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
|
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2 |
My buddy's missus left him last Thursday. She said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."
Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons". Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,136
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
|
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,136 |
circumcision may not have been the best way to start. :rofl: :rofl:
- Dave S. -
You can never appease your ideologue opponents.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,750 Likes: 10
Retired Admin
|
Retired Admin
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,750 Likes: 10 |
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
Her mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made".
Two days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. Her father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved".
Confused, the little girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and dad said they developed from monkeys?â€Â
To which her mother replied, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
|
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,728 Likes: 2 |
Golf Panties.... The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"! Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons". Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
|
|
|
Forums84
Topics93,826
Posts636,757
Members49,644
|
Most Online5,661 May 23rd, 2018
|
|
|
|