Phone Systems


Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Page 1 of 50 1 2 3 49 50
Just for Jokester #13 #310990 10/29/11 04:43 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,894
metelcom Online Happy OP
Admin
*****
OP Online Happy
Admin
*****
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,894
Just for Jokester #12

Just for Jokester Index


Enjoy and remember they are only jokes.

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."


A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."


Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help.

"Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask you sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned."

Little Johnny is puzzled but decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone would give you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

His mother looks around shyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

Little Johnny goes back to his father who asks, "Well, what did you learn?"

Little Johnny says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. POTENTIALLY, we're sitting on two million bucks, but in REALITY, we're living with a couple of whores."


Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
If it was built in the last 10 years don't expect it to work right.
NEC search for systems, cards, phones, software, manuals and repairs!
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310991 10/29/11 07:51 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,179
Professor Shadow Online Thinking
Admin
*****
Online Thinking
Admin
*****
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,179
Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food.

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.

One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction."

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind."

But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much a ring or earrings on her person.

The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time..... So ... Do you think we should ....well ..... You know ..... Screw her?"

"Out of WHAT?" asked the other lawyer.


Dean
Photographs:
https://www.instagram.com/deanwilsoncanby/
https://fstoppers.com/profile/deanwilsoncanby

Please don't confuse your "Internet Search" with my licenses, certifications and 30 years experience.

"Thank you for calling Technical Support. If you feel you have reached this number in error, please hang up and press redial."
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310992 10/30/11 03:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,179
Professor Shadow Online Thinking
Admin
*****
Online Thinking
Admin
*****
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,179
[Linked Image from i754.photobucket.com]


Dean
Photographs:
https://www.instagram.com/deanwilsoncanby/
https://fstoppers.com/profile/deanwilsoncanby

Please don't confuse your "Internet Search" with my licenses, certifications and 30 years experience.

"Thank you for calling Technical Support. If you feel you have reached this number in error, please hang up and press redial."
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310993 10/30/11 03:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 8,031
jeffmoss26 Online Content
Member
*****
Online Content
Member
*****
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 8,031
Someone has that printed out at work. Classic!


Jeff Moss

Moss Communications
Computer Repair-Networking-Cabling
MBSWWYPBX, JGAE
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310994 10/31/11 08:54 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,894
metelcom Online Happy OP
Admin
*****
OP Online Happy
Admin
*****
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,894
[Linked Image from a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net]


Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
If it was built in the last 10 years don't expect it to work right.
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310995 11/01/11 07:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,952
MnDave Offline
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
*****
Offline
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
*****
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,952
The world According to Americans
wink :rofl:


- Dave S. -

You can never appease your ideologue opponents.

Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310996 11/02/11 05:22 AM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 17,347
justbill Online Content
Admin
****
Online Content
Admin
****
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 17,347
I get a kick out of this guy.


Retired phone dude
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310997 11/03/11 03:09 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,582
JBean3329 Online Content
Moderator-Iwatsu
*****
Online Content
Moderator-Iwatsu
*****
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,582
All that mayhem, and the worst thing outta his mouth is 'heck'...and IT got bleeped...


Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored, they go for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310998 11/03/11 04:49 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,389
MooreTel Offline
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
*****
Offline
Moderator-Nortel, Computers, General
*****
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,389
Quote
Originally posted by MNDAVE:
The world According to Americans
wink :rofl:
What's so funny? :rofl:


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
Dave. (CTUB) Canadian Techs Use Bix!
Re: Just for Jokester #13 #310999 11/03/11 06:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,952
MnDave Offline
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
*****
Offline
Moderator-Vodavi, Vertical, XBlue
*****
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,952
Thanks Bill, for posting that one. I've seen it before, but it still cracks me up. Dad gum it, what a terrific gem!!!


- Dave S. -

You can never appease your ideologue opponents.

Page 1 of 50 1 2 3 49 50

Moderated by  metelcom 

ShoutChat Box
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
Most Recent 5 Post
Adding second APM4 to DX80
by 5years&counting - 12/15/19 07:58 PM
AT&T/Harris-Dracon Installation Manual II722022-001
by Arthur P. Bloom - 12/15/19 03:37 PM
Information Booth to make $$$
by Professor Shadow - 12/15/19 02:29 PM
CP20
by Coral Tech - 12/13/19 11:47 PM
Who's Online Now
33 registered members (pdxjim911, simian123, RATHER BE FISHING, dexman, nameless, hbiss, Yoda, justbill, Coral Tech, BobRobert, KENB, 1864, Southernphoneman, Mercenary Roadie, mbhydro, jeffmoss26, Bob3470, jsaad, Professor Shadow, EV607797, 5years&counting, Tip&Ring, nortelvoip, hitechcomm, metelcom, nonameyet, FoneJacker, tim10, pvj, ChrisRR, JBean3329, Arthur P. Bloom, Ruben), 1,093 guests, and 625 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Popular Topics(Views)
Forum Statistics
Forums62
Topics93,100
Posts633,133
Members49,192
Most Online5,661
May 23rd, 2018
Today's Birthdays
baminc, littlemo, Old blond hippity hopping Bunnie
NEC DX-40 PKG $299
NEC DX-40 PKG $299
EMP & Lightning Home Surge Protection
EMP - Click Here!
Top Posters(30 Days)
dexman 11
hbiss 7
POLYCOM SOUNDPOINT 10 Pack
FREE Voip Phone - Click Here!
50% OFF Most All Phones
FREE Voip Phone - Click Here!
RESPONSIVE WEBSITE DEVELOPMENT
Bluewater Sailing
Become a Patron! https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=5256033
Free Phone Repair Diagnostic
EMP Shield for Commercial - Home & Vehicle
Use Coupon code SAVE - Click Here!
Servpro Ventura 24-Hour Emergency Service
Free Estimates call us now 24Hours
Contact Us | Telephone System Tech Support | Terms of Service

Sundance Communications is not affiliated with any of the above manufacturers.
©Copyright Sundance Communications 1998-2019
Trusted Partners