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#310990 - 10/29/11 04:43 AM Just for Jokester #13  
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Just for Jokester #12

Just for Jokester Index


Enjoy and remember they are only jokes.

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."


A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."


Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help.

"Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask you sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned."

Little Johnny is puzzled but decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone would give you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

His mother looks around shyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

Little Johnny goes back to his father who asks, "Well, what did you learn?"

Little Johnny says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. POTENTIALLY, we're sitting on two million bucks, but in REALITY, we're living with a couple of whores."


Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
If it was built in the last 10 years don't expect it to work right.
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#310991 - 10/29/11 07:51 AM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food.

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.

One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction."

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind."

But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much a ring or earrings on her person.

The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time..... So ... Do you think we should ....well ..... You know ..... Screw her?"

"Out of WHAT?" asked the other lawyer.


Dean
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#310992 - 10/30/11 03:10 PM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Dean
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Please don't confuse your "Google Search" with my licenses, certifications and 30 years experience.
#310993 - 10/30/11 03:40 PM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Someone has that printed out at work. Classic!


Jeff Moss

Moss Communications
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#310994 - 10/31/11 08:54 AM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Merritt

Business Telephones & Equipment + Commercial Audio/Video Products
Commercial Communications . . . Turner, Maine
If it was built in the last 10 years don't expect it to work right.
#310995 - 11/01/11 07:20 AM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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The world According to Americans
wink :rofl:


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#310996 - 11/02/11 05:22 AM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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I get a kick out of this guy.


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#310997 - 11/03/11 03:09 PM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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All that mayhem, and the worst thing outta his mouth is 'heck'...and IT got bleeped...


Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored, they go for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
#310998 - 11/03/11 04:49 PM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Quote
Originally posted by MNDAVE:
The world According to Americans
wink :rofl:
What's so funny? :rofl:


Scientists say that the universe is made up of Protons, Neutron & Electrons. They forgot "Morons".
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#310999 - 11/03/11 06:13 PM Re: Just for Jokester #13  
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Thanks Bill, for posting that one. I've seen it before, but it still cracks me up. Dad gum it, what a terrific gem!!!


- Dave S. -

Business and life are like a bank account. You can't take out more than you put in.
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