Just For Jokester Index

Just For Jokester #13

Enjoy and remember they are only jokes.

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."

Once Upon A Time (a true story)

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End.

Guess you shouldn't have married her, Dean.

Don't feel bad, we all made the same mistake.

I guess she goes for telecom guys, but how many times has she been married?

Well, I think, my ex [your future Bride] has only been married twice:

• The First Marine Division, and
• The Seventh Fleet.

This is still under Just for Jokester #14 isn't it? :confused:

Ouch! :rofl: :rofl:

....and when she was in high school and came home preggo Daddy asked her who the father was. Her answer was "One of two.....either the football team or the basketball team!"

TA DA,,,BUMPETA BUMPETA :toothy: :db:

Nice "RIM SHOT", Ken.

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32", the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later, she goes into McDonald's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd quess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman, and she finally said, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You are 47."

Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing! How did you know?"

The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's...."

GROSS, Merrit! :rofl: :rofl:

..

I think I'm going to be sick...

I second that

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.

Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice: "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi on Seymour Street in Vancouver. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them become taxi drivers," she said.

An old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all
his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to
spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.
But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

A British Columbia Indian picks up a hooker off the streets of Vancouver.
'How much you charge for hour, sister?' he asks.

'$100,' she replies.

He says 'You do Indian style?'

'No' she says.

'I pay you $200 do it Indian style'

'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.

'I pay you $300'

'No', she says.

'I pay you $400'

'No', she says.

So finally he says,
'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style..'

She thinks: 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdos from every
part of the world. How bad could Indian Style be?'

So she agrees and has sex with him.They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after several hours, they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Indian style?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government.