I am constantly scolding my teenagers for walking around like Zombies, "texting." I call it the "cellular telegraph" and they look at me like the Luddite that I am. I'm sorry, but the telephone is a perfectly adequate way of communicating, I tell them, and my salary from the telephone industry has provided you all the goods and services that you need or want. Why have you regressed to a technique from the 1860's? I ask. Sheesh.


Arthur P. Bloom
"30 years of faithful service...15 years on hold"